And when I say ‘did,’ I mean just did!
How does it feel to write what your ex-lover describes in his heart for another? It feels interesting. On one hand I am honored that he entrusted me with such a task; on the other, I know his soon-to-be-wife would be PISSED AS FUCK to know that it was I **smiles, winks, smiles again** who wrote them.
Why did I do it? Because he asked, and I wanted to offer something meaningful to him on his wedding day. Anything that costs money is out of the question, but WRITING – I can do that. In fact, it’s one of the things I do best. I definitely had my doubts about lending my gifts to a ritual so precious, but – hey! It’s done now.
What would I do if I found out my partner had his/her ex write their wedding vows to me? Be pissed as hell! No doubt. I would, after having a full out tantrum, listen as open heartedly as possible, however, to the reason. I hope I’d be mature and grounded enough to truly consider the person I’m marrying, but who the hell knows what I’d do. My belief is that most people show us who, and how, they are – we just don’t accept it. And I’m doing my BEST to accept folk as they be these days (yes, yes, I meant to say ‘be’ and not ‘are’.)
How did I really feel doing this (okay Miel, stop bullsh*ttin)? Initially, I was incredulous, insisting that he do it himself. Meanwhile a part of me felt really flattered and special that he came to me about this matter – there was definitely a level of vindication, especially since he was the one who broke up with me. Isn’t it funny how thoughts work? A few days later when I first attempted to write the ‘vows’ I became really emotional like “What the hell am I doing single without a prospect in sight writing vows for my EX to speak to another woman?!!!” Then, today, the words came, wafted in on the fragrance of inspiration and I felt honored to be a vessel.
What are my final thoughts on this experience? These words aren’t mine, just as he isn’t mine. He will not be hers either; she will not be his. We are all just the recipients of gifts, and the givers. If we are lucky, we realize it early on. If we are human, we eventually realize that we are creating ourselves and making up the rules as we go.
Can we get a sample? Of course. See below for an excerpt. He did not want traditional ‘vows’ but a statement of ‘offering’ instead.
I give you the best of what I have – now
a solitary granule captured
in the soft folds of your confidence
Place your trust in this:
precious and fragile as it is
BE IN THIS
as One, sharing this breath
and we shall behold the moments begin added
like individual pearls on the string of time’s continuum.
Need help with YOUR wedding vows? I’d love to! You name your price.