Rewriting the most FAQ in Relationships

Life is only as good as your questions. ~a wise woman

It’s morning. I know.

And this will be a bit of a … rant/run-on sentence tossed out to you like a pillow towards the back of your head as you stagger out of bed, wiping sleep from your eyes, convincing yourself this WILL be a good day.

I empathize.

But I need to deliver this head knock…

Why is it when things get prickly in romantic relationships we often ask this question?


Other variations:

Do you even love me? 

(Spoken in an increasingly-frenzied intonation like one tripping up the stairs)

I thought you loved me!

(Not technically a question, but if you don’t reply within a millisecond of this statement, you’ll NEVER live it down.)

If you don’t love me, just say it!

(I DARE you…)

How could you love me and…?

(The ULTIMATE guilt trip…)

I’ve been there.

One day, in the middle of some perceived life-threatening internal conflict with myself (although I most certainly thought it was about the other person).

…a better question arose:

What does Love have to do with It

Whatever “It” is…

Say the question again, and listen.

Someone can love you, and leave. Someone can love you, and betray. Someone can love you, and (this is almost a guarantee at SOME point) woundDEEPLY.

Where is Love in all this?

What has it to offer our greatest fears made manifest before our eyes?

Applied love is NOT perfection; it perfects.

Love ALWAYS shows us ourselves

the hidden parts…the hurting parts…the hungry parts…

It sees and accepts.

It transforms and uplifts.

It calls to go deeper, trust more, listen intently, open wider, take a chance…


It doesn’t always FEEL good.

We keep asking for Love, seeking for Love and missing It all the while.

Maybe we are getting what we ask for – and it’s nothing like what “they say

In our obsession with needing to know, we suck the Life out of Love. What we call “love” becomes nothing more than a guarantee of “I’ll always feel alright.”

Love is not comfortable.

It comforts.

I now believe that if I desire someone who will never leave no matter what I do or how they feel or how life changes the nature of desire between us, then I’d better ask for something else other than Love:

undying devotion…loyalty…longsuffering…insanity? (perhaps)

Love does not equal “I will never let you go.”

Quite the contrary, it lets all things – and people – come and go as they please

neither demanding nor requiring…


accepting and experiencing…allowing and releasing…

with a few dashed expectations in between, to be sure.

Knowing Love, I can allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind and to face all things with great courage. My heart is as open as the sky. ~Maya, Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love (film)

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