Lover’s Anonymous: Marriage & Maybe’s

“…I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence…” – Robert Frost

I read somewhere we are in the era of “situationships” : WOE TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE!

(It’s a man’s market.)

Shit. What we gonna do?

When marriage is used to qualify women, tame men and legitimize Love – we all lose. And nothing changes until we do…from within.

Quietly, we begin to ask ourselves the dangerous question:

“What do I really want?”

Safety? Comfort? Guarantees?

Life is not in the business of coddling. Companionship? Connection? Experience? I think that’s what we came here to do. 

In the quiet, YOUR truth speaks.

If you want to be kissed by the ocean, you’ve got to stop standing on street corners. Marriage has nothing to do with this knowing. This knowing needs no legitimacy.

I wasn’t raised to be a wife; I was raised to be a woman. 

And it wasn’t until today that I saw one of the main reasons my relationships have followed the same dead end – they were all premised on an “end goal”: MARRIAGE.

I see now that I only ever wanted to be married to do something I had never seen my family do…to pass on something different – to be seen as “worth it.”

My dear friend once told me, ” As long as our reason for doing anything is to prove something, we will never bear good fruit.” I smile remembering her wisdom.

My heart answered.

I love partnerships without pressure, commitment without obligation, and ecstasy with no expectation. I enjoy authentic friendship and inspired sweetness, raucous laughter and unexpected delights – stories worth telling, repeating and remembering…stories that bring neighborhood children back with their friends to hear them, and make young lovers brave enough to be free.

So maybe things are as they ought be and we should speak them into Love.

Maybe an institution conceived in the spirit of business and possession can never be complete simply by putting its promotion in the mouths of ordained men, courts of law or religious institutions.

Completion needs no promotion. It just is.

It seems to me that rather than beating men up for not wanting to be married or shaming women for being unchosen, we could allow the fullness of our truest desires to bloom.

Nobody wants to be lonely, or to grow old alone. We were built for connection and expression. But surely walking down an aisle isn’t the surefire remedy. And surely, saying “I do” doesn’t mean that “you will.”

And, one size never fits all.

Maybe, we’re ready for substance over symbols – for new ways of Loving and living together – not by default, ease and convenience, but awareness, truth and courage. Maybe we’re ready for faith – relating that requires us to believe in action.

Maybe, we are entering the age of Liberated Love; not that reckless directionless scattering of ourselves that we do to take the edge off of the epidemic boredom and pervasive restlessness so characteristic of our generation, but a sincere sharing and acceptance of what is without judgment.

And if some still choose to walk the “White Mile” for whatever reasons, we’ll love and support them all the same, just as we, too, desire love and support.

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