As I meet various birth clients, I sometimes discern that a woman has conceived in hopes of changing her partner’s mind about her or being in the relationship.

The partner sits, often despondently, tossed between feelings of resentment, confusion, guilt, overwhelm, disgust, excitement, longing and other emotions, while the pregnant mother chatters nervously on behalf of them both.

In these cases, despite the sex of her partner, the outcome is usually the same.

Even if the partner loves the child and loves parenting, this does not mean they will “fall” in love with you.

Today was the first day a woman asked me, “Why not?”

She meant: Why doesn’t the fact I’m having our baby make a difference? Why won’t it make my partner love me again.

It’s simple:

Grown folks don’t like to be MADE to do anything and We can’t make anyone love us; we must allow it.

Allowing requires space and relinquishing control — two unpopular and difficult disciplines in a society that breeds insecurity.

Essentially, we are all going to do what we want to do, even if not immediately.

We are who we are, and we each want to be accepted and respected as such. Yes? We enjoy the freedom to choose. We enjoy freedom. We enjoy knowing that we are doing something because it’s OUR choice. We enjoy saying, “Yes, I want to do this” or “No, I don’t want to do this.”

And every choice has a consequence. This is the power you have. If you want something you aren’t receiving, choose YOUR action; don’t try to change someone else’s.

I’ve been on both sides of the tug-of-war, and here’s what I’ve gathered:

The best relationships are answers to open invitations, not coercion under strict demands.  

Partnership Mantra: I want my partner to do what s/he truly wants to do.



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