Every now and again, I peruse my old journals to see what wisdom I’ve forgotten.
I found some.
At various points of my life, I’ve been the Head Mistress of the “F*ck F*ckbois Coalition.” My attachment to my pain prevented me from assuming a more powerful stance and recognizing the awesomely-overlooked wealth of wisdom men embodied – despite imperfect execution.
It wasn’t until I had several intimate relationships with women that I learned to appreciate what men have to offer.
And boy, did I learn!
I’ve always known that women offer me something unique that men can’t, but I did not always see the irreplacable value men bring to coupling.
My wiring is such that I connect with hearts more than anatomy. I allow the flow of life to do it’s do without too much thought to labels and such. In this space, I’ve learned that love connections are not comparable. They each impart something unique and valuable to my life.
In the time where I swore off flagpoles (men) in exchange for flags (women), I came to startling revelations about men’s value in my life. Here are the top 3 takeaways I’ve gleaned from coupling with men:
1. Take Your Time
It wasn’t until I was whisked into full-fledged committed relationships at breakneck speed with women that I truly understood many men’s hesitance to commit themselves. It takes time to know whether I truly want to be all in with someone, and now I allow myself that time.
2. Take Care of You FIRST
Men are great at prioritizing their wants and needs. They are able to capitalize on this when our desperation and willingness to take what we can get surpasses our commitment to fulfilling our own wants and needs. I am learning, finally, to fill my cup first, as my mentor, Iyanla Vanzant says.
3. Take a Breather
Sometimes all that is needed is space and silence. Simply put. Men have taught me that everything need not be actively “worked out.” My mother always said, “Silence can say more than words.” And I am seeing there is nothing truer. My need to express where I stand is giving way to simply standing.
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