“Got these feet in these shoes that walked a mile or two/got these hands, they done work that left them black and blue/got these hips, they are wide, but they know how to move…”
~Amel Larrieux “All I Got”
Yesterday was trying.
In keeping still, worries I usually evade or ignore crept up on me. My mind raced with questions I didn’t have the energy to answer.
Where can I do meaningful work that pays well? How can I escape this rut? When will things change? Will they?
The questions were … well … a bit pathetic, in the true meaning of the word (not the judgmental sense with which we usually use it).
My mother looked at me sitting in silence and said lovingly, “You’re stressed.”
With that, I let the worries pour from my mouth like water from a broken dam. She advised that I think positive, so I stopped talking (aloud, at least).
How could I “be positive” with ALL THIS going on?
I sat quietly in that space for hours — I stayed with it in myself. I lost all interest in talking to anyone. I needed me to myself.
And then sometime last night, when I least expected it, and my attention was diverted to Grace & Frankie, the weight lifted. Something whispered:
“This is what it is now, but it won’t always be this way. Nothing stays the same. Your life is no different.”
“Keeping it real” became for me, in that moment, a gracious acceptance of what is.
Maybe the only seeds that bloom are those that bloom where they are planted.
Perhaps the only way to truly get where we desire is to first acknowledge and accept where we are.
Perhaps the only way to move forward is to keep it real about where we are now. Should is a sterile seed; is has infinite fertile potential.
Starting with what is is enough to let the light in.