Day 12: Pleasure

Pleasure is every woman’s birthright; it’s the fulfilled woman’s secret ingredient.” – A. Tane

*I am writing this from my cell phone, so excuse any formatting scruples over the next few days.*

Riding down to Virginia Beach to spend the weekend with women, sun and ocean, I relished in the time I had to think…listen…be without explaining or making anyone else comfortable. I relaxed (Day 4). As I listened to Sassafrass, Cypress and Indigo on audio, I was taken by the shifting scenery. 

It was an innocent seduction with no end gain other than nature’s nature and my delight. I let it happen, feeling long overdue for an exchange of sweetness and raw appreciation. 

In that moment I knew that pleasure could no longer be a luxury in my life, and that sensation and arousal were hollow substitutes.

The land seemed to blush once off the highway. The homes winked with life and memories yearning to be made. I smelled ocean breath in the air; salt and healing flung themselves from a horizon I couldn’t yet see – a gracious welcoming committee.  

I turned the book off and just felt. The opening started from deep-deep, and then the coolness of it all running in. The whole-sensory beauty and presence of it all pulled a song from my heart.

I sang words impromptu, speaking of a connection that sprouted roots rather than wings. I sang of the sun and I sang to myself. I sang to all that was from a place I had previously believed wasn’t. 

I was wrong.

I’m 20 days into a 90-day (minimum) commitment to sexual abstinence, and I see now that I had it all backwards: it’s the pleasure within that fuels the flames. It’s the patience for the precious, the cycles of appreciation, the spontaneous songs of adoration and displayed desire for devotion that ripens my body for sharing.

And I am just now feeling the filling begin…

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