Day 13: Fear

The only thing “wrong” is that you think something’s wrong. -My Mama

Fear gets a bad rap, but I’ve decided to befriend the old bastard. Fear has become that girlfriend that always got some shit to say about something I don’t particularly want to talk about, yet contains a kernel of necessary truth that I can’t ignore.

When I listen closely (and deeply) to my fears, I hear endearing vulnerable truths about myself, or parts of, that enlighten me to the fullness of ALL of who I am, not just who I want to see myself as.

In just a few days I realized how uncomfortable I am receiving compliments. Fear showed me that I still worry about being fully seen … how I may be judged.

My fear of loving fully in more intimate partnerships reminds me that I’ve given what’s precious to those who’ve shown me they don’t or cannot appreciate it, and it hurt. She warns me, “Girl, you know what happened last time.” Yes, I do.

But during this retreat I’ve decided I can befriend anything that guides me to truth, and anything that is trying to protect me. And like a dear friend, I’ll listen with love but follow my own compass. 

Fear is just an informant that I’m nearing an edge of my comfort or my knowing. And I can live harmoniously with that. I think fear and I are going to become very endeared friends.

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