Day 20: Trust

I don’t trust nobody who ain’t some kinda selfish sometimes. – excerpt from current project

If someone asks, “What’s your greatest flaw,” what would you say?

I believe that I’ve just realized mine. It may also be the biggest obstacle to me living soulfully: SELF-DOUBT.

I could spend paragraphs pontificating on where this doubt originated, but at this juncture in human history, I really don’t give a damn, and my f*cks are running out. What matters to me is what I do with what I know now.

I mostly doubt myself when I make decisions from my core, especially in regards to those I love (and when I love, I love fiercely). I worry that those I love will be hurt. I doubt the validity of my selfishness. I second-guess putting myself first. I fear disappointing others.

And usually, somewhere down the line, I regret my self-doubt and realize it as self-betrayal because I let that doubt derail me from living authentically.

So, I’ve decided to be more caring to me, and feed this audacious woman inside waiting to burst free and finally be born to the world. I don’t know exactly how this journey to deepening in self-trust will unfold, but I can begin by not trying to clean up everything. Someone reading this needs this message just as much as I do:

Some things really just gotta sort themselves out without our doing anything. 

 

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