Day 27: Reflection

As within, so without. Go within or go without.

When a woman first told me that my life circumstances reflected the parts of me that needed to heal within, I wanted to slap her. Seriously. That was in 2012.

Sometimes it takes time to grow into full acceptance of truth; truth is seldom an easy pill to swallow. But I’m learning to take it like a daily vitamin. I search for it everywhere, especially within.

 

Today, as I moved into my new home (Yes!!! I’m sitting on my new bed right now composing this post, thanking God, enjoying the vibes), I thought of all the crazy and chaotic situations I’ve created and experienced. 

Back in the day, I mistook drama for passion; confused peace and ease with boredom; valued promised forevers over now moments, and lived for the story I’d get to tell at the end of it all. And I got some stories!!!!

As I laughed at my younger self, fondly, I felt gratitude for the woman that I am now: a woman who is full and flawed, nerdy and owns it, waxing into her wholeness like the moon, and then dismantles again …more gracefully, more kind.

I can sink quietly into a good book for hours or talk shit with the best of ’em. I no longer feel the need to either-or my life, or myself (or others for that matter). I can be this AND that. I’m by no means “done,” but I am in awe with what God has managed to do in me, as me

 

How did I get here, I wondered to that still Inner Voice. 

And the answer came almost instantly: 

“One moment, one step, one decision at a time … and never, ever giving up.”

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