What Looks Like Crazy…

I once dated a man who temporarily lost his thoughts: standing over me, pointing his finger in my face and saying a bunch of words I could no longer hear.

I asked him to take a seat and stop pointing: THREE TIMES.

He didn’t.

 

I stood up, gathered my things and walked outside.

He followed.

I got in my car.

He stood BEHIND my car declaring he “wasn’t finished talking yet.”

I turned on the car, and counted to THREE.

Thank God he had quick reflexes.


Isn’t it ironic how men can stab people 1000 times, be serial killers and cannibals, start unnecessary wars, kill women for deciding to keep children they helped co-create, and YET, remain unburdened with the label of “crazy”? There’s always a “reason” for a man’s ill behavior, even if it’s as simple as “boys will be boys.” Hmm.

Men have the phrase, “Work hard, play hard.” For women it should be, “It’s a thin line between love and hate.”

Kehlani says it perfectly in her song, “CRZY”:

Everything I do, I do it with a passion. If I gotta be a b*tch, I’ma be a bad one!”

And such is life.

Look at the Earth. We trash Her. We take from Her … and still she sustains us, mercifully … miraculously almost. But every once in a while, she’ll flip the switch just to remind us.

Women are the same way.


I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a man say, “Women are crazy!”

I admit: YES – every now and then, we behave in ways (unprovoked by males) that leave your heads spinning. With the orchestra of hormones, full moons and societal f*ckery amiss, we have plenty reason.

But let’s re-define just what’s (usually) meant when men call a woman “crazy”…

CRAZY (adj.):

1.) Behaving in such a way that the other party has no choice BUT to realize the truth of the Law of Cause and Effect.

2.) Possessing all the qualities of “a wake-up call.”

Does Newton’s Third Law ring a bell? For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction?

Fellas: it’s physics.

It’s literally a NATURAL LAW.


 

Lucky for y’all, I’ve listed the TOP THREE THINGS MEN CAN START DOING in order to avoid the sh*tstorm of CRAZY from the women in your lives. And this includes ALL the women in your lives.

1. Never Tell Her What or How She Feels. EVER.  

I don’t care if she’s your friend, sister, wife, co-worker, daughter or mama! I don’t care if you KNOW you’re right. When she is sharing how…and what…she feels, just smile, affirm and nod. TRUST ME.

2. Show Up or Peace Out.

There is nothing that cultivates a lack of trust and respect in a man more than a man who’s in and out. Not only is this a perfect recipe for creating and triggering deep-seated abandonment issues and insecurity, but it’s also a classic f*ckboi tendency.

3. Underpromise and Overperform.

Don’t talk what you won’t walk, and start out how you can hold out. And this isn’t about delivering popcorn performances or sneak previews of what it could be if… You know, where you show up once in a blue moon, do something dazzling and then fall off the face of the Earth? Yeah. Dead that.

As a wise man once told me: 

A woman is like a thermostat; she will always reflect the temperature you set.

If you can commit to these 3 practices, life can be so much sweeter. Go get ’em tiger!

 

 

 

 

 

Lover’s Anonymous: Epic Fail

Epic (adj.): grand in scale or character

Fail (n.): a grade not high enough to pass (an examination or test) OR (v.): to be unsuccessful in achieving (one’s goal)*

It doesn’t have to last forever to be beautiful. ~my mama

In fact, nothing does – last forever, that is. And so, if we are to gauge success by permanency and constancy, well then, life becomes the grandest of all “epic fails.”

And still, I sometimes find myself wondering if the ended (or altered) friendships, departed lovers and incomplete connections were due to some kind of inherent fault on my end.

But I know better, even if I don’t always feel what I know. And you do too, somewhere underneath layers of thoughts that run amok.

So here is a gift from me to you…with no explanation or proof…they are my offerings to you: 5 things I’ve determined from my own relational epic failures.

  1. Success is based on authenticity and responsibility, not lasting forever. It is not my job to “make it last,” but rather to be myself truly and fully, accepting the responsibility for whatever comes next, and shifting with integrity. This is my relational success.
  2. Let go quickly. Sometimes it feels impossible, but I’ve purposed within to QUICKLY release those with whom I am no longer relating. Neither of us is missing anything; we don’t owe it to anyone to grieve a parting. As Zora Neale writes, “…the mourning shouldn’t last a day longer than the grief.” And as Paulo Coelho says, “I give myself 3 days to grieve; after which, I politely ask sadness to go away.”
  3. Everything happens in cycles. Life keeps moving with or without me dragging my past along, and wearing it like a scarlet letter. More than likely, if there is something to be resolved or clarified, it will be without my pining, excessive deliberations or efforts – one way or another. Now, I trust Life.
  4. It’s not what I think. Literally. It just is. What’s going through my head is probably the FURTHEST away from the whole truth of the situation, even if I have concrete facts. The WHOLE truth is that the observable facts aren’t the only facts of the situation, AND facts in themselves don’t comprise any entire experience.
  5. Feel my feelings. I’ve experienced more internal reward from feeling my feelings without needing to place blame or shame than I ever have by “being right” or understood. Proving points yields no peace. All that ever matters is what my feelings are showing me about me right now.
  6. One day, it all makes sense. And this isn’t always an intellectual “sense.” But there has come a time, in EVERY ending, where I can feel the divineness of it all – no matter how difficult it was initially. And that makes me trust endings, and their associated feelings, from the beginning.
  7. Regretting endings is a waste of time. See number 6. 
  8. Connection does not mean contact. Just because I’m no longer in contact with someone does not mean we are no longer connected. Those who have cycled back into my intimacy have proven this time and again – there are synchronicities that are undeniably a result of something we don’t fully understand, although we’ve experienced it.
  9. What now? This is the only question that ever truly matters.

It’s not about never feeling an unpleasant sensation or being together forever, it’s about everything we’re experiencing: being, feeling, thinking, releasing, connecting, integrating…it’s about the WHOLE of it, not just what we can hold of it. We don’t own people or experiences: we are gifted them for a time.

And this is as it ought be.

Sometimes the greatest success is to “fail” epicly.

(You gotta do some living to give me an “Amen” on that one!)

Life Recipe: Improving Intimate Relationships

“Nothing changes until we do.”

-a lotta folk

Someone asked me, “How can I make him change? I just want to make things better.”

The reply was simple. “You can’t.”

After I thought the shock factor had done its due, I added, “You can change. You can be better anytime you choose. You can change your focus … change your actions … change your mind … . But noone can permanently, and without ill consequence, change another. That job is bigger than us.”

The interesting thing, however, is that when we change, EVERYTHING changes.

I gave her a life recipe for improving non-abusive intimate relationships. It isn’t an easy one, but it works when you work it. During this recipe, there comes a point when your intuition kicks in. FOLLOW IT.

NOTE: If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately. Do this recipe APART from your partner.


Life Recipe to Improve Your Relationship

Ingredients:

  • faith/trust in the process
  • courage
  • patience with yourself and partner
  • commitment to see it through
  • desire for something different
  • time
  • a sacred space where you can be alone
  • paper and pen

Time: at least 28 days of committed action.

Special Instructions: This process is between you and a higher power. If you don’t believe in one, then it’s between you and your higher self. If you have a support person, ask for accountability.


  1. Take time to feel your feelings all the way through.
  2. Listen and accept the truth within. This is not the time for seeking external answers. Write the truth when you hear it.
  3. Ask: What do I truly desire? Be silent and still until you feel the answer. Write it.
  4. Create or designate a sacred space where you can be with yourself for at least 30 minutes daily, ideally an hour. A closet, bathroom, patio or nook will do just fine. You should be safe, uninterrupted and comfortable there.
  5. Commit to accepting your partner as is while taking your complaints to your sacred space daily. No more complaining or arguing, fighting the flow. Take your issues to your sacred space, and leave them there. Write them out, and ask for guidance. Wait. If you pray, PRAY. If you meditate, MEDITATE. If you chant, CHANT. If you do none of the above, ask your inner guidance system for a special way of releasing your frustrations healthily.
  6. Stick with it. It will feel like you’re a doormat or nothing is happening. It is. You know it is. You will feel it within, and that’s when the magick begins to work.

Happy New Moon in Cancer!

 

Cook Like Making Love

As I age, I will tell those generations after me:

Cook like you’re making love. Take your time. Make sure your hands are clean and your heart is full. Stay connected. Taste it to see how you’re doing. Ask questions. Experiment, and laugh. Listen to music that evokes a lingering, closed-eye smile. Make sure you’re really in the mood for it. Dance a lil’ bit. And, whatever you do, bless before serving.

©2016 Asha Taylor. All Rights Reserved.

WHEN…

Please remember all you’ve started/I can see GOD from here. ~Willow

When afraid…continue.

When angry…acknowledge.

When desiring…allow.

When unsure…ask.

When happy…share.

When lonely…smile.

When sad…cry.

When tired…rest.

When overwhelmed…breathe.

When confused…listen.

When worried…laugh.

When curious…explore.

When lost…trust…

All is as it ought be.