What Looks Like Crazy…

I once dated a man who temporarily lost his thoughts: standing over me, pointing his finger in my face and saying a bunch of words I could no longer hear.

I asked him to take a seat and stop pointing: THREE TIMES.

He didn’t.

 

I stood up, gathered my things and walked outside.

He followed.

I got in my car.

He stood BEHIND my car declaring he “wasn’t finished talking yet.”

I turned on the car, and counted to THREE.

Thank God he had quick reflexes.


Isn’t it ironic how men can stab people 1000 times, be serial killers and cannibals, start unnecessary wars, kill women for deciding to keep children they helped co-create, and YET, remain unburdened with the label of “crazy”? There’s always a “reason” for a man’s ill behavior, even if it’s as simple as “boys will be boys.” Hmm.

Men have the phrase, “Work hard, play hard.” For women it should be, “It’s a thin line between love and hate.”

Kehlani says it perfectly in her song, “CRZY”:

Everything I do, I do it with a passion. If I gotta be a b*tch, I’ma be a bad one!”

And such is life.

Look at the Earth. We trash Her. We take from Her … and still she sustains us, mercifully … miraculously almost. But every once in a while, she’ll flip the switch just to remind us.

Women are the same way.


I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a man say, “Women are crazy!”

I admit: YES – every now and then, we behave in ways (unprovoked by males) that leave your heads spinning. With the orchestra of hormones, full moons and societal f*ckery amiss, we have plenty reason.

But let’s re-define just what’s (usually) meant when men call a woman “crazy”…

CRAZY (adj.):

1.) Behaving in such a way that the other party has no choice BUT to realize the truth of the Law of Cause and Effect.

2.) Possessing all the qualities of “a wake-up call.”

Does Newton’s Third Law ring a bell? For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction?

Fellas: it’s physics.

It’s literally a NATURAL LAW.


 

Lucky for y’all, I’ve listed the TOP THREE THINGS MEN CAN START DOING in order to avoid the sh*tstorm of CRAZY from the women in your lives. And this includes ALL the women in your lives.

1. Never Tell Her What or How She Feels. EVER.  

I don’t care if she’s your friend, sister, wife, co-worker, daughter or mama! I don’t care if you KNOW you’re right. When she is sharing how…and what…she feels, just smile, affirm and nod. TRUST ME.

2. Show Up or Peace Out.

There is nothing that cultivates a lack of trust and respect in a man more than a man who’s in and out. Not only is this a perfect recipe for creating and triggering deep-seated abandonment issues and insecurity, but it’s also a classic f*ckboi tendency.

3. Underpromise and Overperform.

Don’t talk what you won’t walk, and start out how you can hold out. And this isn’t about delivering popcorn performances or sneak previews of what it could be if… You know, where you show up once in a blue moon, do something dazzling and then fall off the face of the Earth? Yeah. Dead that.

As a wise man once told me: 

A woman is like a thermostat; she will always reflect the temperature you set.

If you can commit to these 3 practices, life can be so much sweeter. Go get ’em tiger!

 

 

 

 

 

PillowTalk: 5 Unpopular Self-Love Practices

This week, “I’ve got looooooove, on my mind…”

With all the focus on self-love, women’s empowerment and such, we often find that we end up DOING more and BEING (even) less. We can dot all the Is and cross all the Ts and still be unfulfilled. So, what is self-love really made of? Consistent mindful action. It’s a practice.

Join me as I share my FIVE essential, yet rather unpopular, self-love practices that I believe can change every woman’s relational life from the inside out.

Goddess Nike

You can spend your whole life trying to figure it out without actually taking the chance to do it. But there is no “right time.” Instead, I’ve given you NOW. What will you do with it?

 ~Life

Today I found myself standing at my door with a grocery bag and a 24-pack of bottled water. As I stood at the door of my abode, I fumbled with keys while still trying to hold onto the case of water. I don’t know why, but something said, “Turn the knob.”

I did.

It opened.

I got it.


Too often we allow our unanswered how to postpone our doing the what.

But the hows are all figured out for our chosen way — when it’s for you, it’s for you. There is no promise of comfort. There is no guarantee of certainty. But there will be an indescribable, deep soul satisfaction that rises from within when we give our sacred YES to our unanswered questions.

If you keep asking questions about it, you are probably being called TO it.


I believe that Life begins to live through us the moment we allow ourselves to be moved beyond explanations. The moment we see the Mystery and take the leap anyway, echoing our Yes…Yes…Yes…breathing deeply…feeling totally…believing beyond proof…we enter a whole new world that our minds analyses and forward projections could have NEVER perceived because some things just have to be EXPERIENCED to be understood.


Whatever your it is: JUST DO IT. You won’t know the answer to how or why until you live into it.

Lover’s Anonymous: Love’s Making

Love makes us stronger by helping us embrace what we once called ‘weakness.’

Vulnerability, actually.

That’s what we usually call “weakness.” In true, it’s the ability to be seen, touched and affected. And that can most certainly feel BOTH unnerving and intensely rewarding, depending on its reception.

I once led a workshop with young women. At the beginning of our session, I asked them to raise their hands if they felt alone or lonely. Almost every woman raised her arm.

The next directive warranted protestations of “I can’t” and “Oh my God!” from every mouth. We were to turn and face the woman next to us, hold her hand and gaze into each other’s eyes for 10 minutes. They like to have DIED; they could FEEL what was to come: vulnerability.

I could hear their hearts; I felt it too:

Someone might see something I don’t even want to see.

The 10 minutes dripped like molasses – even for me, although I’ve done this exercise many times. At its end, we sat in silence for a few moments, and then I said, “So…?”

Expressions of joy and wonder burst forth from their mouths at record-breaking speeds. They marveled together, laughed, cried, confessed…felt. 

I asked my initial question again:

“Who feels lonely or alone now?”

Not one hand went up.

I told them, “THAT is how connection feels.”

And it is.

We get high and heady on chemistry, but intimacy is the nectar.

Chemistry can take us only so far because chemical reactions eventually reach an equilibrium, and, when they do, we see what’s what.

Have chemical bonds formed? How easily are they broken? Have the elements transmuted or just had an intense reaction then returned to their individual poles?

I’m learning something of Love here…

Love makes us vulnerable. Love makes us. Love makes … Love.


Life Recipe: Improving Intimate Relationships

“Nothing changes until we do.”

-a lotta folk

Someone asked me, “How can I make him change? I just want to make things better.”

The reply was simple. “You can’t.”

After I thought the shock factor had done its due, I added, “You can change. You can be better anytime you choose. You can change your focus … change your actions … change your mind … . But noone can permanently, and without ill consequence, change another. That job is bigger than us.”

The interesting thing, however, is that when we change, EVERYTHING changes.

I gave her a life recipe for improving non-abusive intimate relationships. It isn’t an easy one, but it works when you work it. During this recipe, there comes a point when your intuition kicks in. FOLLOW IT.

NOTE: If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately. Do this recipe APART from your partner.


Life Recipe to Improve Your Relationship

Ingredients:

  • faith/trust in the process
  • courage
  • patience with yourself and partner
  • commitment to see it through
  • desire for something different
  • time
  • a sacred space where you can be alone
  • paper and pen

Time: at least 28 days of committed action.

Special Instructions: This process is between you and a higher power. If you don’t believe in one, then it’s between you and your higher self. If you have a support person, ask for accountability.


  1. Take time to feel your feelings all the way through.
  2. Listen and accept the truth within. This is not the time for seeking external answers. Write the truth when you hear it.
  3. Ask: What do I truly desire? Be silent and still until you feel the answer. Write it.
  4. Create or designate a sacred space where you can be with yourself for at least 30 minutes daily, ideally an hour. A closet, bathroom, patio or nook will do just fine. You should be safe, uninterrupted and comfortable there.
  5. Commit to accepting your partner as is while taking your complaints to your sacred space daily. No more complaining or arguing, fighting the flow. Take your issues to your sacred space, and leave them there. Write them out, and ask for guidance. Wait. If you pray, PRAY. If you meditate, MEDITATE. If you chant, CHANT. If you do none of the above, ask your inner guidance system for a special way of releasing your frustrations healthily.
  6. Stick with it. It will feel like you’re a doormat or nothing is happening. It is. You know it is. You will feel it within, and that’s when the magick begins to work.

Happy New Moon in Cancer!