Bold Ass Questions for Boss Ass Women

Sistren, we’ve become far too sentimental about these matters of the heart. And before we know it, we’re in the ring of fidelity to someone who could give a hill of beans less about the deepest desires of our hearts; yet expects us to be their mother incarnate.

I’m joking.

Seriously though: if you could ask a guy ANYTHING without fear of what he’d think about you or how it may come off, if you had THREE questions that would capture the essence of what it takes to please you, what would they be? Share below, and I’ll share mine in an upcoming post. Until then, I’ve included a little dialogue clip to give you a few ideas. (Thank me later)

Her (Libby): Well, I do want to put all of that behind me…

Him (Lawyer Guy): So does your husband.

Her: EX …husband

Him: Well, that right there that’s a fresh start

Her: What is your position on marijuana?

Him: The firm represented Lamar, a marijuana activist based in Washington, so I say legalize the plant

Her: And…oral sex?

Him: (looks surprised and confused…hesitates…) hmm…legalize that too. I’m a HUGE proponent. Why are you asking?

Her: What about marriage?

Him: I’ve had 3 – each one more acrimonious than the last. I don’t plan to ever stand at the altar again.

Her: What about dinner?

Him: My favorite meal of the day.

Her: I mean, how would you like to take me to dinner?

Him: Yes, please.



The Art of Asking Empowering Questions

I’ve heard it said, “Life is only as good as your questions.”

And I, now, believe it to be true. We are so preoccupied and amused with the answers to questions, we forget that the one who asks the question is guiding the ship — the ones who answer are just on it.

So I’ve done y’all a solid (you’re welcome), and shared some of my favorite replacement questions to ask when the way gets a bit hard to see.


     Why is this happening to me? 


     What’s FOR me in this situation? This could mean…

  • What’s happening right now that’s working in my favor?
  • What is here that is to catch my attention?
  • What can I take from this situation in order to be better?


     When will I get better? 


     How can I BE better (now)? Empower yourself by accepting responsibility for your decisions, your thoughts, and your actions (or INaction). How about just take responsibility for your full life?!


     What am I gonna do?


     What can I do right now? Sometimes the answer to this question is “noddadamn thing.” Make peace with it. Rest. The time for action will come, and you’ll need your energy.


What’s next? 


What’s NOW? What’s next is another NOW, ya dig? As one of my teachers says, “Wherever you are the time is ALWAYS now.” So just be here now, and be fully present. Presence is the best preparation. Trust me.


    What was s/he thinking?!


What am I feeling right now? Peace doesn’t come from deciphering, blaming or judging other folk. We don’t wake up in their bodies or their minds; we don’t live their lives. We wake up in our own minds. So…wake up IN YOUR OWN.

Have more great questions? Share below or share with me on Twitter @femmealchemista


Spontaneous Message

I receive these awesomely relevant and inspiring weekly astrological insights from Channi Nicholas’ website, and this is what was given to me today (right on time!):

“Your REAL career is learning how to give yourself fully to whatever you are doing, so that whatever goodness can come of your labor is magnified.” – Channi Nicholas

Pay it forward.

Rewriting the most FAQ in Relationships

Life is only as good as your questions. ~a wise woman

It’s morning. I know.

And this will be a bit of a … rant/run-on sentence tossed out to you like a pillow towards the back of your head as you stagger out of bed, wiping sleep from your eyes, convincing yourself this WILL be a good day.

I empathize.

But I need to deliver this head knock…

Why is it when things get prickly in romantic relationships we often ask this question?


Other variations:

Do you even love me? 

(Spoken in an increasingly-frenzied intonation like one tripping up the stairs)

I thought you loved me!

(Not technically a question, but if you don’t reply within a millisecond of this statement, you’ll NEVER live it down.)

If you don’t love me, just say it!

(I DARE you…)

How could you love me and…?

(The ULTIMATE guilt trip…)

I’ve been there.

One day, in the middle of some perceived life-threatening internal conflict with myself (although I most certainly thought it was about the other person).

…a better question arose:

What does Love have to do with It

Whatever “It” is…

Say the question again, and listen.

Someone can love you, and leave. Someone can love you, and betray. Someone can love you, and (this is almost a guarantee at SOME point) woundDEEPLY.

Where is Love in all this?

What has it to offer our greatest fears made manifest before our eyes?

Applied love is NOT perfection; it perfects.

Love ALWAYS shows us ourselves

the hidden parts…the hurting parts…the hungry parts…

It sees and accepts.

It transforms and uplifts.

It calls to go deeper, trust more, listen intently, open wider, take a chance…


It doesn’t always FEEL good.

We keep asking for Love, seeking for Love and missing It all the while.

Maybe we are getting what we ask for – and it’s nothing like what “they say

In our obsession with needing to know, we suck the Life out of Love. What we call “love” becomes nothing more than a guarantee of “I’ll always feel alright.”

Love is not comfortable.

It comforts.

I now believe that if I desire someone who will never leave no matter what I do or how they feel or how life changes the nature of desire between us, then I’d better ask for something else other than Love:

undying devotion…loyalty…longsuffering…insanity? (perhaps)

Love does not equal “I will never let you go.”

Quite the contrary, it lets all things – and people – come and go as they please

neither demanding nor requiring…


accepting and experiencing…allowing and releasing…

with a few dashed expectations in between, to be sure.

Knowing Love, I can allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind and to face all things with great courage. My heart is as open as the sky. ~Maya, Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love (film)